In the coming weeks you will be invited to step into the world of reflective parenting through our monthly blog. We will discuss our ideas and tips for parenting in today’s fast-paced world and welcome your ideas and feedback in return. We will ask important questions, and explore the issues that matter to you. We all have something to add to the conversation, which is why we at Reflective Parenting feel it’s so important to really listen and take your thoughts and concerns seriously. We must be ready to learn from you so that you can learn from us.
We want to partner with you. What does that mean, though, in a world where the promise of “partnership” has become a marketing catchphrase? At some point in our lives as parents we have turned to others for help. Let’s consider what stages that may involve. Perhaps we start out turning to a spouse or partner, family or friends, sharing our observations and concerns, seeking feedback, validation, and support. Perhaps, then, we turn to our schools or our pediatricians, looking to understand ourselves and our children from their perspectives.
Finally, we may be pointed in the direction of seeking professional help from a therapist.
Frequently, and sadly, along that journey we may encounter a problem, and the problem is this: the further you go, the more the “experts” tend to take over, and the more the experts take over, the more we tend to doubt our own knowledge, instincts, and “expertise” as parents. And make no mistake about it, you, as parents, are the experts on your child. Our job as professionals must be to reinforce that fact, not undermine it. All too frequently we start the journey of seeking support with important questions, but as we move through the stages of help, our questions turn to worries and our worries to fears. Why? Because instead of partnering, the professional, usually unwittingly, reinforces the idea that they “Know” your child more than you do. If there is one fear that may stand above all others for us as parents, it’s the fear that we have lost our sense of knowing our child more deeply than anyone else in our child’s life.
Partnering is not about providing answers, it’s about going back to the important questions and investigating those questions in collaboration with you, the experts on your child. From that position, we arrive at strategies and approaches that make sense to you given who you are as parents and who you know your child to be. When you feel yourself moving from questions about parenting your child, to questioning yourself as your child’s parent, pause. Ask yourself, do I feel like I have a partner right now, and if the answer is no, find one.